I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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