he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
