My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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