I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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