Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
try to milk me bitch
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