I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
