too bad you live with your parents still
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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