i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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