No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So here I am, sexting at work.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
