Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so let's talk penis.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
