if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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