thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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