i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
