i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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