Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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