Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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