Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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