I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
