i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
