so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
