woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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