Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
