He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
