Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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