"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
