It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
