We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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