i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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