Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're like the curious george of whores
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
