So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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