What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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