Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
