well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
