We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
