Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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