did you get engaged???
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
