I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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