Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
