is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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