I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
