it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
