Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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