Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

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(613): View more from Ontario

Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww

(1-613): View more from Ontario

no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.

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(734): View more from Michigan

It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.

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(926): View more from

Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.

(415): View more from California

I thought you didnt have a dog??

(926): View more from

Exactly.

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