this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
