Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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