she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
