So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
then he tried to convert me to islam
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
