went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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