bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
