Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
