Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
