no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
