marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
