I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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