Pappa wants mamma naked
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
